This one practically writes itself. But I will add to it.
This is the label from some pillows I bought today at Tuesday Morning for Son’s bed. They were surprisingly low priced for being down fill, and they felt wonderful.
When I got home, I read this label, which I hardly ever do, because down is down, right? That’s when I noticed why the pillows were only $9.99 instead of the high dollar 100% goose down which can be anywhere from $50.00 to $100.00!
I wondered where these feathers came from and how they got blended in such a way.
Let’s tick these down one by one shall we?
Down Cluster: .65% … Birds of a feather cluster together? Hm. Clusters. Oat clusters. Honey bunches of oats . Clusters! Makes me hungry for cereal.
Down Fiber: .64% … Fiber. Makes me hungry for the kind of cereal which helps my middle-aged self in a wonderful way. “God’s little brooms”, my friend Horman used to say.
Waterfowl Feathers: 68.57% …. Huge amount! Waterfowl. Water……fowl. Does that mean from a duck? Goose? Seagull? Pelican ?
Landfowl Feathers: 1.50% … Chickens? Owls?……. or maybe a Thrush? Woodpecker? Kiwi?
Damaged Feathers : 21.82% ….. In what way were they damaged? This worries me. I don’t know if this means the feathers were damaged after plucking? Or were they damaged while the poor bird was still wearing them. Maybe the fowl himself was damaged inside due to bad parenting or a particularly loud and obnoxious duck-call incident. Duck-call PTSD, it’s a real thing.
Feathers Fiber Waterfowl: 66.6% … What does this description mean anyways? (Not to mention the number freaks me out!) Brings on another bout of my paranoid tendencies. Those three sixes together. From this number, I would say these are from the collection from, obviously, the devil’s own down. I don’t know if I want Son to sleep on the devil’s bed pillows. (The Devil’s Own Down. Wasn’t that a Brad Pitt movie?)
Residue: .16% …. Residue. Resi-doo? I can’t even go there……
I’m just using them to stuff the shams on Son’s bed . But still. They are sterilized after all. Thank goodness for standards and regulations.
Livingly ~~ D
for some more waterfowl:
Wait, just one more and I’ll stop.
Okay, I know __I said I’d stop, but I didn’t. __See what I did there?